How Things Should've Gone: The Onyx Blue Tale
by pikaree1
Summary: The antagonists are salesmen! Sapph is on a rampage! Brendan is shirking his rival duties! Juvia can expand! Brendan's a knickerbocker! Wally and Orlando don't make appearances! Everyone's pixelated! Oh noes! Don't punch people or commit arson in real life, people. The fourth installment of the How Things Should've Gone Series, based on the ROM hack Pokemon Onyx Blue.


**Petal: The fourth installment of the How Things Should've Gone series.**

 **Sapph: OH MY ARCEUS I'M PIXELATED!**

 **Petal: As you can see, a certain pixelated playable character was given a certain name, and a certain idiot should confess his undying love and affection to a certain Railgun.**

 **Wally: That last bit has nothing to do with anything...**

 **Brendan: I think that randomness is exactly why we should thank Arceus that she doesn't own Pokemon...**

 **Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist: I'm glad she doesn't own Fullmetal Alchemist. She's nuts.**

 **Orlando: Hey! How come I'm not in this one?!**

 **Petal: Because it's Onyx Blue. DANCE FOR ME, MY PUPPETS! *starts manipulating Sapph, Brendan & Wally string puppets***

"GAAAAAAAAH!" Sapph screamed.

"Is something the matter?" the salesman asked pleasantly, still holding out the Poke Balls she had a bought.

"YOU'RE IN TEAM MAGMA!" she screamed.

"Oh, this? This is so the pokemon stay away! You see, wild pokemon simply _despise_ the scent of villains, so the stink keeps me from getting attacked," the salesman said conversationally.

Sapph slowly took the Poke Balls, vowing to never eat food after its expiration date ever again.

* * *

Sapph was in Granite Cave, delivering a letter to Steven. "Here ya go," she said tiredly, having just battled through a bunch of Spheals with their stupid strong Ice Balls and their stupid freezing Powder Snows. She patted her Nidorino, King, on the head for a job well done. "Just a little longer before the nice champion heals you up, buddy," she whispered encouragingly.

"Thank you, Sapph," Steven said calmly. Then he left.

Sapph was shocked.

"HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED, OR IN THIS CASE, NO FURY LIKE A GIRL WHOSE POOR POKEMON WASN'T HEALED! FROM NOW ON, I'M BUYING POTIONS! STEVEN, NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, I'M GONNA PUNCH THE STUFFING OUTTA YOU, YA JERK!" she howled. All the pokemon in the vicinity made sure to clear the way as she furiously stalked out of the cave after she had venemously glared at one Spheal, who had slowly submerged itself into the water to escape.

* * *

"I'd like ten Super Potions, please!" Sapph said cheerfully to the clerk. He nodded and gave them to her, accepting the money in exchange. She waited for a minute, looking up at him expectantly. When nothing happened, she cleared her throat.

"Er... May I help you, miss?" the clerk said unsurely. His cousin in Dewford had told him about the Granite Cave incident.

"Where's my special giveaway?" she questioned. "I get a Premier Ball if I buy ten Poke Balls, so where's the free Super Potion?"

"Um, we don't have any special giveaways for Potions or Super Potions or Hyper Potions, miss..."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!" she shouted, eyes blazing. "WHAT A RIP-OFF! SCAR!" She directed her attention to a red-eyed man with tattoos on his arms and an x-shaped scar on his forehead who she definitely should not have known. "DESTROY THIS PLACE!"

"WHAT! WHY ME!" he shouted, shocked. "THAT'S THE THIRD TIME! FIRST HAWKEYE, THEN THE YOUNGER ELRIC...!"

In the end, Sapph trashed the place on her own with the help of her Mew, Ichigo. The little pink pokemon's Earthquake attack was quite powerful. She then proceeded to torch the Super Potions with the help of her Quilava, Explosion, and then she blamed everything on Scar.

* * *

Sapph froze when she noticed Brendan just up ahead. "Oh, nuts; oh, nutty peanut butter; oh, roasted nuts; oh, pistachio-ice-cream-that-actually-tastes-like-those-cherries-on-cakes; oh, salted peanuts!" she panicked. "Ichigo isn't strong enought yet!"

Unfortunately, he had spotted her. "Sapph!" he called. "Wanna battle?" He set down his boom box, and battle music started playing.

"HOLD IT!" she yelled. "IF I DON'T CALL OUT MY POKEMON, THEN I DON'T HAVE TO BATTLE! WE HAVEN'T EVEN MADE EYE CONTACT! AND IF YOU FORCE ME TO BATTLE, I'M GONNA CALL THE COPS FOR HARRASSMENT! AND THEN I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU INTO NEXT WEEK!"

Brendan backed away from his punch-happy friend. "Um, whatever you say, Sapph..."

"GOOD."

She was gone; gone back to the route to train up her Mew. When she returned, she had a scary smile on her face. "I'm not going to lose, Brendan!" she declared. "Imma gonna take you down!"

Brendan was very, very scared. _'It'll be okay,'_ he tried to reassure himself. _'She loves punching, so Ichigo's gonna use Mega Punch, and that's not very effective...'_

"EARTHQUAKE!"

"GAAAAAAAH!" Brendan screamed. A piece of falling debris conked him on the head, and he fell unconcious. Sapph graciously decided to wait until he woke up. When he did, he ordered Jirachi to use Shadow Ball. A few more Earthquakes and Shadow Balls later, Jirachi was beaten, and then Sapph's team proceeded to trounce Brendan's remaining pokemon. Then he left.

Once more, Sapph was shocked. "BREEEEEEEEEEEEENDAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" she bellowed. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HEAL MY POKEMON AFTER OUR RIVAL BATTLE!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed as he ran away. He got the feeling that Sapph was acting much more psychotic than usual...

* * *

"Mister Briney! Mister Briney~!" Sapph called, dashing over to his house.

"What is it, Sapph?" he asked, emerging.

"I got HM Surf! I taught it to my pokemon!" she explained cheerfully.

"Really!" he said, surprised. "Let's see it, then!"

"Okay, cool! Juvia, come on out!"

Mister Briney smiled, eager to see the pokemon she had trained to Surf...

...and he came face-to-face with a cute little Spheal.

"Um... Sapph..." he said cautiously, not wanting to incur her wrath (and punches- he had seen the condition in which she had left the Rich Boy who hung out near his house). "How is a _Spheal_ going to carry you...?"

Juvia responded by jumping into the water and inflating herself to become very large.

"Wha..."

"See ya, Mister Briney!" Sapph said cheerfully, hopping on to her previously small pokemon. "I'm off to challenge the trainers on the Sea Route to Dewford! I'll come visit with a present for Peeko sometime! Bye!" And then she was off.

Mister Briney slowly shook his head, resolving to never eat fish pokemon bait when he was low on food ever again.

* * *

When Sapph heard from a losing trainer that her father had a Noctowl, she decided to train Juvia since ice-types were good against flying-types. Thus, she went into Petalburg Woods, not wanting to stray far from the berries she had planted. "Juvia! Aurora Beam!" she commanded when they encountered the first Bellsprout.

"Ooooh, pretty colors..." it said dizzily in a decidedly un-Bellsprout-like voice.

"What the what?! Bellsprouts talk?! Freaky!"

"It's me, Brendan!" Brendan said quickly, correcting her. "I just wanted to see what being a knickerbocker was like, but I'm not doing that again anytime soon..."

Sapph shook her head. "Brendan, you're one of a kind."

 **Petal: I may edit this when I finally finish the game (I don't know if it has any plot differences from Ruby, so I do this based on what I've played so far) to add to it someday...**

 **Sapph: *starts punching random rich boy***

 **Brendan: Ack! Sapph! Down, girl!**

 **Orlando: Ha ha ha!**

 **Wally: *sweatdrop* Please review!**


End file.
